Chapter Four

The next morning I woke up just a bit before sunrise. Jen was lying sideways on her bed, her hooves on the wall and her head on the floor, snoring softly. I slipped off my own bed and out into the cool dawn.* I was still somewhat full from dinner the night before, so I figured breakfast could wait until Jen woke up. I wandered around Crossroads for a little while, listening to people waking up and starting their days. I was trying to hear someone mention a rogue trainer, but it seemed it was a bit early in the day for people to be worrying about lessons. So instead, I turned my attention to sniffing around for poisons.

Cats' noses are not as sensitive as dogs, and even so I was not a true cat. My sense of smell was only a little more powerful in my shapeshifted forms than as an elf. Nevertheless, I soon picked up a burning odor I thought might be some kind of acid or poison. I looked around, making sure I could pick up the trail again, and went back to wake Jen up.

I was sleeping quite soundly and when I was startled awake by Kara pouncing me. I sat bolt upright screaming in surprise and flung her off of me and across the room before I realized what was going on. I yawned sleepily, scratching at my mane, "Sorry there... um... Buttons right? Sorry for that Buttons, you startled the hell out of me." She got stiffly up off the ground showing all the hurt pride a cat can muster and stalked over to me. She attempted to communicate her findings to me, but found it impossible to get through my sleep addled mind. I simply patted her on the head and wandered off to find the innkeeper and get some breakfast.

The innkeeper glared ruefully at me but didn't dare present me with another meal of rodent. We got eggs, bacon, toast with several different kinds of jam, buttermilk, croissants, and for some reason salad. I got quite a few strange looks eating salad, but they tended to ignore me after I flexed my claws at them. One forsaken lady, however, was not satisfied. She came up to Jen and asked, "Now, precisely what kind of cat is that?" suspiciously.

"Omnivorous Mulgorian Death Cat," Jen said promptly. I could've hit myself in the head, but the suspicious person seemed satisfied after I began to growl at her. "Oh yes, those, forgot all about those, congratulations on taming one," she rambled quickly and then hurried back to her table where she studiously avoiding watching me eat my salad. The rest of the guests followed suit.

After breakfast Jen followed me outside where I attempted, once more, to meow my discovery to her. Now that she was a bit more awake she was finding it easier to understand what I was saying. The meowing and growling sounds that she made were completely incomprehensible to me as I had been a terrible student in my Natural Studies classes as a child; surely one reason why I had decided to pursue the arts of a Rogue. However the very obvious jerking of her head to the right as we exited the inn left no question in my mind as to where she wanted me to follow.

Just behind the flight master, there was a small hut from which a terribly noxious smell wafted on the breeze.

We wandered excitedly over to the person mixing the chemicals and asked what he (she? I don't usually play horde so I forget) was brewing.

"The spores of giant mushrooms!" he cackled. "They make a nice soup you know." He had a strangley garbled way of speaking that I suppose all undead share.

"Ah, sure...Well, do you happen to have any connections with the rogue guild?" I asked him in my best politely pleading voice.

"Rogues?" He squinted at me. "What would you want to know of Rogues? He eyed my dagger and the poorly maintained bow that I had continued to carry with me as part of Kara's disguise. "Well, Helbrim's my name. Perhaps you'll join me. I was just headed to my hut and this isn't the most private place to talk."

Jen gave me an excited thumbs up. Helbrim gave her a strange look. I mewed innocently at him but was careful to show him my teeth. He narrowed his eyes.

I just barely fit through the door to his hut. Inside, it was dusty, dark, and smelled of moldering cheese. After we had carefully settled ourselves, he once more offered us his fungus spore soup.

"Er...yes please?" said Jen with a slightly nauseated expression. He handed her her bowl. Thankfully, I didn't get one. I sniffed at the bowl and tried not to wrinkle my nose in visible disgust. I smiled and sat the bowl down on the table. As I opened my mouth to ask him about the rogues again, he cut me off.

"So, what was it you were asking me about? Rogues, wasn't it?"

"Yes! I mean, yes. That was it. I was wondering if you had any ties with them. Buttons and I have some business with the rogue guild."

"Oh, do you now?" he muttered. "Interesting, interesting. In fact, I am *not really supposed to speak of it, but when I was a young lad, before my death, I was expelled from the rogue guild for experimenting on several different groups of new recruits. Well, I don't know how they expected me to test the effects of the poison under controlled circumstances otherwise!"

Kara and I exchanged slightly worried glances. I cleared my throat hesitantly, "Um, you don't think you could, you know, at least give us a hint where they're located, do you?"

He burst out cackling loudly at that, "Do I? anything for a price, my dear."

"We don't have any money," said Jen nervously. "But if there's anything else we can do-"

"We?" he asked, with an eyebrow raised in amusement. "As I recall, it's just you and your, ahem, cat. Buttons, I believe the innkeeper said her name was."

I had a very bad feeling about this. The last thing we needed was to be blackmailed, but I couldn't see how we could get out of this without calling all the guards down onto us. I began to growl subconsciously and accidentally drew his attention.

"I think you had better tell your cat to calm down, hmm?" He said, making air quotes at the word "cat." "We wouldn't want Buttons to draw any undue attention for what I have in mind," he uttered with a smirk.

Kara gulped back her growl, but continued to glare angrily at him, lips pulled back slightly from her large fangs. I was thrown off balance by this new turn of events and would normally have reacted quite violently, except that this zombie was the first lead* I had to finding the rogue guild. "F-fine. Just tell me what it is you really want..." I responded after a few moments of silence.

"What I really want?" he asked with a wicked grin. "Well, I can think of something, but it will be very...I don't want to say dangerous...but yes, dangerous, for you to get it for me."

"I'll do anything!" Jen practically wailed. "Please, this is my life's dream!"

"In that case, I recently saw an advertisement for an item I would very much like to purchase. Unfortunately, one must approach the sellers personally, and I'd really rather not. If you acquire the item in my stead, I'd be happy to tell you all I know about the rogue guild."

"Um...are you going to tell me what you want me to get?"

"Not until you promise to do it. I don't want you backing out. And I know I can trust a Tauren's word."

Jen glanced at me worriedly. I didn't like it much either but I didn't see that we had much of a choice. I mewed, and Jen sighed. "Fine. I promise I'll get it for you. Now what is it?"

"I would like the newest model of MM2in1DHD."

I blinked a few times, staring at him in confusion, "What in the world does that stand for?"

He cringed a bit and leaned across the table to whisper to me. Warm, fetid breath tickled my ear, "Mason's Miracle 2 in 1 Double Headed... Dildo."

I felt myself begin to giggle, and it turned quickly into full on cackling. Kara too was laying on her back, chest heaving as she attempted to laugh in cat form. The undead man glared sourly at the both of us and crossed his arms. I attempted to control my laughter and just barely managed to get out, "Oh, heheh I'll get it for you alright."

"You may well laugh now," Helbrim scowled, "but once you've met Mason I think you may change your mind. And you do have to get it personally, if you recall."

I snorted in disbelief and he gave me a dirty look (which, by the way, undead are quite good at). I didn't care. I was not afraid of some loser with a dildo.

"Alright, alright," said Jen. Her speech was just barely comprehensible, but she was beginning to calm down. "Now, where can we find this dude?"